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Love comes from values, not pheromones! Earth-based
cultures built relationships on the bedrock of shared
values. They didn't sweep long-term goals under the bed
simply because they were eager to jump into it.
If what you seek is lasting love, get back to genuine
values. Grow a flower before a child, smell a puppy's
breath instead of the latest perfume, walk barefoot
through the morning dew instead of trying on the latest
aerobic sneaker. Then, settle for nothing less than
another who feels the same.
Know your needs and share them.
Closeness cannot occur without honesty. Listen to your
partner with empathy and without judgment. Praise your
partner. Love cannot survive in an atmosphere of
constant criticism. Share responsibilities. Taking out
the trash does not require a Y chromosome. No
relationship is perfect all the time. Working together
through the hard times will make the relationship
stronger.
A key, often overlooked ingredient
in love is risk taking, the willingness to risk opening
your deepest emotional life to another person.
Stultifying, loveless marriages of people afraid to
reveal their deepest feelings scar society's emotional
landscape like burned-out buildings.
The recipe for successful love also requires giving--and
forgiving.
The fragility of love today stems from societal
dilemmas, not simply from individual hang-ups. The idea
that all of our sensual, intimate, and altruistic
attachments must go toward a single member of the
opposite sex is a 20th-century invention. In the 1950s,
marital therapists, real estate agents, advertisers,
sociologists, and scriptwriters urged us to cut ties
with kin and neighbors who might compete with lovers for
our attention, loyalty, and obligation. The result: For
many, love has become an all-or-nothing proposition. We
expect to fulfill all of our needs and responsibilities
through love--so we often lose it when it fails to meet
those expectations.
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